Funny Status Ideas

When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."

I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I'm going to a different cafe.

Why are they called "hemorrhoids?" They should be called "asteroids"?

If swimming is such great cardio, explain manatees.

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don't want to talk.

The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.

People would better know what to expect if Tinder made you show your Driver's License photo!