Funny Status Ideas

You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".

My new favorite hobby: Misinterpreting what my Mom says from another room on purpose.

On Dancing With the Tsars last night, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.

I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.

I've had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven't grown any crops.

Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?