Funny Status Ideas

It’s hard to trust humans. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.

I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.

The first person to say the word cool must have been really cool because everyone started saying it.

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.

Picking a checkout line at Walmart is the new Russian roulette.