Funny Status Ideas

My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve

At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.

You can catch flies with honey, but you catch more honeys being fly!

While everyone's been watching the Presidential debate, I switched all my neighbors' political yard signs.

I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide if you're flying First Class.

Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 3 second rule has now been increased to 6.

How to wash a cat: find toilet, add soap, add cat, shut lid, don't worry the cat is self agitating, flush to rinse, lift lid , run!!!