Funny Status Ideas

I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

I wonder if skunks can smell their own farts.

[DOG MAGICIAN] Think of a color, any color...let me guess…is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my God…how did you guess that?

Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.

Getting a life sentence in jail is like getting the death penalty but with the execution method being death by old age.

As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.