Funny Status Ideas

Saving Private Ryan, Interstellar, and The Martian; America has spent too much money retrieving Matt Damon. Not a penny more.

It's okay password, I'm insecure too.

Technically, if you don't cut the cake, it's still just one slice.

I would like to thank my arms, for always being by my side. My legs, for always supporting me, & my fingers…because I can always count on them.

My superpower is making people laugh. That would be great if I was trying to be funny...

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.