Funny Status Ideas

The first rule of "Condescending Club" is really kinda complex and I don't think you'd understand it even if I explained it to you.

I was at a funeral today and I asked the priest for the WiFi password. "Have some respect for the dead!" he said. "Okay," I replied. "Is that all lower case without spaces?"

I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go family functions anymore.

If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan's chariot.

Why is it called ‘after dark’ when it really is ‘after light’?

Voicemail should be renamed "messages from people over 40"

I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You've probably seen our poster.