Funny Status Ideas

The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery.

Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.

If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.

So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn't believe that life gave me that lemon.

I really need to clean the house, but I'm thinking it'd be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...

If I had a British accent, I'd never shut up.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.