Funny Status Ideas

Upset? Just imagine a t-rex trying to make a bed.

Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college. How can I ever repay you? No, seriously...

Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.

5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’.

Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.

I believe in magic because it's the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.