Funny Status Ideas

I've gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...

I wish I was on a gang. I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don't see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.

Not even my closest friends know me as well as my Internet browser history does

Every time I buy a pack of toilet paper it is money down the toilet.

Netflix and chi...potle

Gift cards are still the best way to say "I'm too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you'll buy drugs if I give you cash."