Funny Status Ideas

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth.

Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: " I'll just flip this omelette "

Laughter is the best medicine. But, if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine.

When I'm not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.

My favorite part about Halloween is seeing all the confused Jehovah's Witnesses wandering around, wondering why they've been given lolly pops.

I just realized that I haven't done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!