Funny Status Ideas

I found $20 laying in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?” So, I turned it into wine.

I replaced my rooster with a duck. Now I wake up at the quack of dawn.

Humans are 75% water, basically cucumbers with anxiety.

The only blizzard conditions I am interested in are from Dairy Queen.

I don't want to party like it's 1999, I want to grocery shop like it is 1999.

I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10-2 Instead

The problem with daylight savings time is around midnight you start to feel like you're struggling to stay awake before you realize it's only 7:00 p.m.