Funny Status Ideas

I found $20 laying in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?” So, I turned it into wine.
I replaced my rooster with a duck. Now I wake up at the quack of dawn.
#17843
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Xyuppi
Humans are 75% water, basically cucumbers with anxiety.
#17842
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Xyuppi
The only blizzard conditions I am interested in are from Dairy Queen.
I don't want to party like it's 1999, I want to grocery shop like it is 1999.
#17840
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Xyuppi
I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10-2 Instead
The problem with daylight savings time is around midnight you start to feel like you're struggling to stay awake before you realize it's only 7:00 p.m.
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