Funny Status Ideas

I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.

I'm starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.

I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could've been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.

The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.

With all the negative news lately about the Paris attacks, ISIS and the Syrians taking over the world there is one thing that is positive and that's Charlie Sheen.