Funny Status Ideas

Was shopping online at Walmart this morning and got pepper-sprayed.

If meat is murder, then Tofu is identity theft!

Why can you wear a hoodie every day of the year & nobody cares but if you wear a shirt twice in a week you're suddenly homeless?

If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn't let you skip.

The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1:00 PM and 2017.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see once per year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult's table will become the kid's table.