Funny Status Ideas

When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I'm afraid of the lights.

Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you'll always be paying way too much out of pocket.

When terrorist parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique to feed their babies, do they just smash it in their face and make explosion noises?

Life Insurance = A contract that keeps me poor so, that I can die rich

Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too

Thanks to Cyber Monday, I can now go hopelessly in debt from the comfort and convenience of my own home.

Next time you call in sick. Tell them you have "Anal Blindness". I don't see my ass coming to work today.