Funny Status Ideas

Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.

Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money

I don't like to make plans too far in advance because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer

I was super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

If my wife was a transformer her name would be Amazon Prime.

The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.