Funny Status Ideas

Just give the Hedge Funds a 600 dollars check. They will be fine.

I was playing air drums to Rush in my car and lost a stick out the window. I had to change over to Def Leppard.

The Buccaneers perfectly captured the spirit of Tampa Bay by their feature player being a middle aged man who spent his career in the northeast and then moved to Florida to retire.

Me: [donating body to Science] Science: [donates my body to Goodwill]

Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with and he’s the light of the world, I do it and I’m “making Thanksgiving awkward.”

Joe and Kamala should run off to Vegas and get inaugurated without telling us.

As a kid my father used to hit me with his camera. I still get flashbacks