Funny Status Ideas

I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.

I think my dentist, Jennifer has fillings for me.

It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you're the worst employee at a toy factory

By Ice Cube's standards, every single day in my life has been good so far.

I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.

Poor alcohol. It gets blamed for everything.