Funny Status Ideas

I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn't have to bend over to pick up dog poop.

I dance like people wish they weren’t watching.

I wish I can start a new diet, but there's a bunch of old diets I haven't finish.

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that it’s my cellphone.

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark!" Somehow I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?

A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.