Funny Status Ideas

Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them.

I hate it when people ask me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?". I mean, seriously, I do not have 2020 vision!

Billboard is wrong. The hottest single of 2015 is me.

I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and D.E.A.

Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.

On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a week.

The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don't have to do laundry for another week or two.