Funny Status Ideas

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I got a nice Rolex from my lesbian neighbors. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch...

Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this.

Thanks to Apple, I'm 29 S today

I need to get my birthday suit taken in. ✂️

At a sushi bar and this might be the sake talking, but 私は酔ってる

I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.

I sleep like a baby at night because I don't have one.