Funny Status Ideas

I’m concerned, Mr Potato head & Mrs Potato head are no longer male or female. Does this mean there will be no more Tater tots?

I love contactless delivery. They just throw the slop at your door and I run out like a little pig.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, do I still need a logging permit?

Just did my own taxes. I should be in jail by Friday

I'm a social vegan, I'm avoiding meets.

Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

I’m tired of people complaining about $7.00 dollars beers, $10.00 dollars parking, and $20.00 dollars cover charge. Don’t like the prices? Stop coming to my house.