Funny Status Ideas

I tried to get life insurance, but they laughed and said you need a life for that...

I don't understand fast food. I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower.

I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it.

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

If I had a dollar for every piece of useless trivia I know, I wouldn't have any money since the trivia is no longer useless if it can earn me money.

Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?