Funny Status Ideas

ATM's need to have breathalyzers.

There's a difference between having a unique name and a common name that's spelled wrong.

I drive safer when there's food on my passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there.

I like boobs so much, I started growing them myself.

How do people lift weights? My arms get exhausted after putting my hair in a ponytail.

I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long.

This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.