Funny Status Ideas

I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?

Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.

Velcro is a ripoff

I finally learned how to sweep a woman off her feet. It only took me 5 years and $7,800 in Martial Arts lessons.

If you’re starting a sentence with “not to sound like a jerk,” guess what you’re going to sound like.

"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone as president.

Potatoes give us chips, french fries and vodka. Now explain how kale is popular...