Funny Status Ideas

Whenever someone says, "that's what she said", I like to reply with, "not to you"

I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?

Campaign spending in Iowa can't be a good measure because if that were true Flo the Progressive lady would have won.

Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody.

A midget fortuneteller broke out of the county jail. Police report there is a small medium at large.

Ok body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the "energizing" claims. You're soap!

I'm not a doctor but I know adding bacon to anything makes it an antidepressant.