Funny Status Ideas

Note to self: Next time, don't use "continue" as the Safe Word.

First, Lady Gaga shows up at the VMA's covered in meat. Then arrives at the Grammy's in an egg. She's only about two red carpets away from being a Denny's Grand Slam.

My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I'd never be bored again.

I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I look like I'm taking my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I'm still in party mode from Saturday night.

Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.

My alarm clock and I had a fight this morning. It wanted me to get up, I refused...things escalated. Now I'm awake and it's broken. I am not sure who won the fight.