Funny Status Ideas

Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn't agree.

I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least get a cat as a consolation prize.

The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?"

Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders should put their heads together and figure out a way to give everyone free college and make Mexico pay for it.

It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.

If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too.

Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine. It's getting difficult to sell sober people a $10 cup of coffee.