Funny Status Ideas

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.

I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.

Describe yourself in three words: 1. Lazy

Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we're together now.

I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.

My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.

It's funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my evenings in the front yard treating it with weed killer.