Funny Status Ideas

The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.

Gray hair is the human body's equivalent of low toner.

I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.

This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.

My 1st job was working in a orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.

Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible. Considering most humans can only talk out of theirs.