Funny Status Ideas

You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.

Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.

I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.

Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.

My dog acts like their entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.

The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.