Funny Status Ideas

Time heals all wounds...unless it's infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.

I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can't drive a bus..

Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.

The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.

As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.

You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I’m close enough to walk to it from here.