Funny Status Ideas

Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.

The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.

Two tips for jogging faster: (1) Attractive person in front of you. (2) Creepy person behind you.

Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.

The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.

I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed." I’m always ready for bed.