Funny Status Ideas

I love how television has redefined the word 'marathon' to the exact opposite of physical exercise

Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I do all of my ironing in the dryer.

Don't invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.

I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.

Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.