Funny Status Ideas

If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.

Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.

I wouldn’t need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.

How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...

A friend of mine just quit his job selling computer parts. He lost his drive.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.