Funny Status Ideas

I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.

The only thing I'm really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I'll probably never be able to retire.

Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?

"Don't make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.

If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.