Funny Status Ideas

I wish I could go back to the days when a note from my mom could get me out of literally anything.

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

Meat eaters and Vegetarians both love animals. They just love them in different ways.

Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?

When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"