Funny Status Ideas

I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

Sometimes, I try to act nonchalant, but underneath I am super chalant.

If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.

If you're looking for the wrong answers, you have come to the right place

I wish I could go back to the days when a note from my mom could get me out of literally anything.

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.