Funny Status Ideas

I used to think I was a man of vision. Now I'm pretty sure they're just hallucinations.

Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?

What if the only reason you can't pass through a mirror is because you are blocking yourself?

Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.

A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils

I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat

Nobody wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday, which isn't surprising really, since it wasn't my birthday