Funny Status Ideas

A pessimist gets nothing but pleasant surprises.

When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.

Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.

All this tagless clothing makes getting dressed in the dark nearly impossible.

I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.