Funny Status Ideas

I’m not antisocial. It’s just that most people don’t make the cut.

I wish I could swap my central nervous system for a central confidence system.

Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.

An airplane must be the scariest experience for someone with a peanut allergy.

I'm not stealing my neighbor's WiFi, their WiFi is trespassing into my house.

I found a spider in my shoes. He looked ridiculous, they're way too big for him

Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...