Funny Status Ideas

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around

Just cut a tree just by looking at it. I saw it with my own eyes.

So, does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won't share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Hahaaa! Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is...

I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

I plan on teaching my kid about taxes at a very early age by eating 36% of his ice cream

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.