Funny Status Ideas

Watched five movies on Netflix last night and now my "recommended for you" queue is "pay some bills" and "clean the bathroom"

What did I do on the toilet before smart phones were invented?

Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.

The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher!

If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.