Funny Status Ideas

If I ask my mom to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "it's the button on the left!"

My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!

I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you're still getting something impressive.

I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.

Thought I'd go back through and delete some of what I think are pretty idiotic status updates... Can I have your password?

Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

If the Olympics were more like the Hunger Games I think I might actually watch.