Funny Status Ideas

Does anyone want a pack of dead batteries? They're free of charge!

Let's all pause for a moment of silence for all of those people stuck in traffic going to the gym to ride a stationary bicycle or walk in place on a treadmill...

My body hurts everywhere I touch it. My doctor told me I have a broken finger

Having pillow fights used to be fun, until the appearance of "Memory Foam"

I was being sincere when I told my friends their baby looks like a movie star...I just failed to mention that the kid looks like E.T.

I have OCD and ADD. Which means everything has to be perfect, but not for very long.

2,000 mockingbirds is 2 kilomockingbirds