Funny Status Ideas

My wife just left me alone with two kids which makes her a terrible parent.

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events.

Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.

They call cat people crazy but they're not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.

Dogs are tough. I’ve been interrogating this one for hours and he still won’t tell me who is a good boy.

I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.

If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.