Funny Status Ideas

I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.

Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton.

My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.

I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.

I answered a telephone call yesterday but the person at the other end just kept on sneezing. I just hate cold callers.

It's true, alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?

Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman’s hat on it is not the button for a free fireman’s hat.