Funny Status Ideas

I’m convinced that most Ikea employees are customers who didn’t know how to get out and just gave up.

OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?

My blood hound was attacked by a crip hound.

I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

OK. Who's the genius that decided to call it "necrophilia" and not "sexual intercorpse."

The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what’s inside.

Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"