Funny Status Ideas

I can't wait till the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they're jerks.

My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.

If you get Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, what do you get at Dollywood?

Letting your date use your phone charger, even though you're at 25%, is the 21st century equivalent of putting your coat over a puddle.

My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea. They’re not the best medicine in the world, but they’re right up there.

We're not supposed to pick up hitch-hikers because they may be serial killers. However, serial killers often pick up and kill hitch-hikers. Therefore, has a serial killer ever picked up another serial killer and did they become best friends?

Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can't cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.