Funny Status Ideas

Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.

I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.

"It's not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes

If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.

You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.

I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.