Funny Status Ideas

I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.

"It's not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes

If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.

You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.

I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.

With a top speed of 27.44 mph, it is illegal for Usain Bolt to run in a school zone.

I'm not depressed. I'm really happy and suffer from emotional dyslexia.